Welcome Into The Darkness

I’ve discovered the reason why I’m so low profile nowadays. It’s because I was traumatized by people who misunderstood me. I just realized it. I had always been badmouthed before due to my outspoken behavior and go-front act. Being older and I guess more matured, I hate this feeling and if before, I would rebel against it and get hated even more. Now, I just lay down and let everything be. I know such traits are not so encouraging as a lawyer… But, I honestly just want a simple happy life and as far as I hated changing myself for others’ sake, I hated more being sad due to speculation of the ‘wrong’ me.

at last, i broke down here in um n im so freaking piss with myself for some reasons… main issue is dat, gosh i hate how cold n incompetent lecturer’s were allowed to even teach..! what, dey can ask so many from us but couldn’t even show de courtesy to respect n answer our questions properly?! i say dats total bulls***! i guess they’re hving some hormonic imbalance… crap! who agrees with me, brave urself n come up front!

wuu, as we walked towards the departure area, i already tried to exhale my breath deeply…avoiding de tears dat i kinda trust won’t fall down.. it worked as i smiled pretentiously. then, it was time for us to give Along a final bye byes n i managed to control my tears until i saw a guy cried while hugging his momma gudbye.. it was automatic n de tears streamed my cheek.. it felt painful to say gudbye to someone u care… i hate to say dis, but it really makes me hate any meetings or r’ships bcuz i knw all of it will come to an end sooner or later n for me, de hardest part was letting go…….

i really dont understand… ive been eating my soul out to make them consider me as a part of their lives but yet, they just ignored me… im in pain n i really need a painkiller dat could help me cure this fucking need to hve a ‘real friend’… i swear o god i would pay RM100 to anyone who can gve me d antidote…n mke sure it works.i guess i just friggin dont belong anywhere…

harhar, with regards to my previous blog post; ‘riang-ria hari ainnan’, saye nk mnunjukkan bukti kukuh bahawa saye mmg la seorg ‘undecided crap’ coz now ive kinda change my mind… i think i shall still put a career as a lawyer in my list. crap kan… nanye, mostly coz my mom agk tkjut dgr i nk jd lecturer je coz she dreamt of me bcoming a lawyer… die xhalang or kutuk or anything crappy like dat, bt when she heard about it d 1st time, her reaction was genuine n i hate to dissapoint her. bsides, im not hating d job of being a lawyer itself, juz d additional ‘co-curricular’ activities dat comes with it… btw, korg sure rse im poyo coz br 1st yr da ckp psl bcoming a lawyer @ lecturer, pas exam dlu sudeh rite…? yeah, i agree with dat but honestly, i need smthg happy 4 me to look 4ward to in dis life. so, phm2 jela eh, hehe…

skrunk ati tgh snang psl…eh, psl ape ek? tatau la, jnji snang ati sudeh! sat lg nk blk umah n ainnan da kinda decide on smthg quite important, my future.. ewah! nyway, ive dcided that im most probably not gonna pursue a career as a practicing lawyer. im gonna become a law lecturer, possibly on criminal law. best kan! b4 dis, bile pk if i wanna bcome a lawyer, i cant be myself.. kne brgaul dgn org, kne byk bace paper, kne idop hectic life n bla2 lg yg mmbosankan n perhaps a lil’ hypocrite, ati mmg xsng… sedey. bt now, when ive considered becoming a law lecturer when i graduate (with flying colours hopefully, amin..) ati da xbeban sgt… yela, i jz need to knw how to teach in d most efficient n best way so dat my future-student, hehe can get what im teaching… mmgla kne byk mmbace n bla2 lg yg mmbosankan like social-networking, tp it’s not d same feeling coz i can always be a discreet lecturer but loveable one, harhar…. idop pn xla susah sgt, bley pgi smbg blaja luar negara kalau pndai, bley melongo n tido kt umah weekends, tgk tennis, movies n other leisure things dat a lawyer probably can’t do…huhu… tu jela nk bitau 2day. arap2 korg sume dpt doakan ainnan dpt happiness yeh! thank u!

waiting for my tort class wic is at 11am.. i should sleep when i hv d oppurtunity but internet is kinda more tempting.. crap la… btw, i think im going to choose a fairytale life over this real life of mine. i shall live in the thought that i fucking don’t need to ‘really’ live a real life, i’ll just let that responsibility to my body to do so.. my heart shall be left in d fantasy zone.. dat cool or wut? wish me luck aye peeps..!

Im so alone… I have no one to talk to, no one to settle my mind when Im confused… No one really wants to isten or let me listen… Im just leading a hollow life, I go for my classes, go back n perhaps eat n then straight to my room to study or bathe or just plainly sleep.. I don’t believe in such a life… Ive prayed to God to banish all my stupid unnecessary feelings n let me focus on my studies but maybe I haven’t pray enough because I still seem to be caught up with this shit feelings… I need help…………..

There’s  a race that never wants to listen and keeps on speaking their language without considering others.. I hate these kind of people because everytime I’m trying to be myself, they’ll go berserk and condemn me like hell as if I’m a terrorist when I am not… They talk shit stuff and act as if they’re not a part of the shit themselves… Hell with these people and really, burn them in hell for their unkind words…

I am but an innocent crap who just like to state out the facts and live peacefully….

Hey ya all! Holly cow isn’t it coz it’s been a while since I last drop craps around here… Anyway, my life has changed quite a lot… Well, I can actually say that I’m not really leading Ainnan’s life anymore… I dunno, some crap ghost just got into me n I’m someone else…. Harhar, crapping again.. Study kat UM ni pening gkla kpale psl dlu cm da lepak2 je dgn lecturer… Nw lecturers die susah sket nk satisfy… Dala byk giler nk kne bce kes yg ad smp 81 pages for 1 case, crap kn… Nk buat cmane, da suratan takdir (jiwanggis siott) kne amik law… Kt law fac UM xbyk hot @ good looking @ cute guys which makes life even harder (honestly, easier coz my eyes da xyah melilau, hehe..) sekse gkla nanyer… Xpe2, hopefully I’ll meet him… Nyway, drop smthg if u want, I’ll check soon hopefully…